The sun shine for me!!

Ok last time I wrote my blog I noticed that I always write the same thing, and I thought how sad and boring.
Who will want to read the blog of a girl who is always suffering, always has problems and just write about it.
I mean even having a very miserable life must occasionally the sun have to shine for her. It was actually very funny, anyway, thought I'd give a new twist to my blog and of course my life.
It's hard because there will always be ups and downs, but I think that trafficking, and is what makes this more interesting.
Although I still have not felt quite right health these past two days I've felt optimistic, with an air of hope.
Ok not want to prolong this post, I leave a picture of me without makeup or filters just me being myself.
XO Clau
Ps. I have an acné problem so im taking cards of it!

Just keep focus

It had time Im feel this way, I had a terrible frustration and I could not contain myself.
Is that all that happens around me is killing me, I try to stay positive but my mind does not stop.
I can not take this, I do not wanna go on, I feel so alone, so helpless. I can not fight alone against this. I can not fight my mind, no more.

I'm physically tired, sentimental and mentally. And the truth is that I feel somewhat guilty for not force myself to finish my workouts, not to force myself to eat healthy to be stronger, to control my own thoughts. This week has been the most difficult of all, my fatigue has not improved and I was forced to consume iron supplement.


It's hard for me after two days without work out, I feel terrible is like start once again. My mind does not stop, so many things to resolve just have not been my best days.
Yet today I decided to work out and I think it is better than nothing, but I feel helpless for not being able to do more, anyway. XO Clau




Tenía tiempo sin sentirme de esta manera,
Tenía una frustración terrible y no pude contenerme.
Es que todo lo que ocurre a mi alrededor esta acabando conmigo, intento mantenerme positiva pero mi mente no para.
Ya no puedo con esto, ya no quiero seguir así, me siento tan sola, tan impotente.
Ya no puedo luchar sola contra esto.
No puedo luchar contra mi mente, ya no más.


Estoy cansada física,sentimental y mentalmente.
Y la verdad es que me siento algo culpable por no forzarme a mi misma a terminar mis rutinas de ejercicio, por no forzarme a mi misma a comer saludable a ser más fuerte, a controlar mis propios pensamientos.
Esta semana ha sido la más difícil de todas, mi cansancio no cede y me vi obligada a consumir suplemento de hierro.
Es difícil para mi después de dos días sin ejercitarme, me siento terrible es como volver al inicio.
Mi mente no para, son tantas cosas que resolver, simplemente no han sido mis mejores días.
Aun así hoy decidí ejercitarme y pienso es mejor que nada, aunque me siento impotente por no haber podido hacer más, en fin.
XO Clau

Welcome to the game of depression.

Has passed a long time since I knew what was happening.
and would not accept it, but everything indicated.
For the first time in my life I think I can talk about it without feeling bad about myself.
without reproach for failing to have done better, and it's hard. I'm still trying to accept and return and seek.
This affects me as they have no idea, always looking perfect, looking the approval of others, and at night alone burst into tears for no more power with this farce, not to be good enough for others, good enough for me.
I do not want to break into tears, I do not want to look weak, I want people to perceive me as a strong woman, a false stereotype of what I should be, do not want they to know how much it hurts.
I do not want they to realize that I do not see anything when I looked in the mirror, I just see a lot of broken images of people not me. I want to smile and pretend they are all here.
But by evening, they are gone, the mask falls out and all my fears, tears start rolling and I can not control it more.
And is like a roulette is that day, my fairy leave under the plan or that everything collapsed days.
This is me and this is my day to day struggle to accept something that has been inside me since a long time, and I believed it was part of me, now I know that it is not, which is simply a mask over I should throw, it's OK to seek help, talk, and let out all inside me.



ha pasado ya un largo tiempo desde que supe lo que sucedia.
y no queria aceptarlo, pero todo lo indicaba, y por primera vez en mi vida creo que puedo hablar de ello sin sentirme mal conmigo misma.
sin reprocharme por no poder haberlo hecho mejor, y es dificil.
aun sigo intentando acpetarlo y volver y buscar ayuda. Esto me afecta como no tienen idea.
siempre buscando ser perfecta, buscando la aprovacion de los demas, y por las noches a solas romper en llanto por no poder mas con esta farza, por no poder ser lo suficientemente buena para los demas, lo suficientemente buena para mi.
No quiero romper en llanto, no quiero parecer debil, quiero que las personas me perciban como una mujer fuerte, un estereotipo falso de lo que debo ser; no quiero que sepan lo mucho que duele.
no quiero que se den cuenta que al mirarme no veo nada en el espejo, que solo veo un monton de imagenes rotas de personas que no soy yo.
quiero sonreir y pretender que todos estan aqui.
Pero al llegar la noche,todos se han ido, la mascara cae y todos mis miedos salen, las lagrimas empiezan a rodar y no puedo controlarlo mas.
y es como una ruleta no se que dia, mi cuento marchara conforme al plan y que dias todo se derrumbara.
esta soy yo y esta es mi lucha dia a dia por aceptar algo que ha estado dentro de mi desde un largo tiempo, y que creia que era parte de mi, ahora se que no lo es, que simplemente es una mascara mas que debo tirar, que esta bien buscar ayuda, hablar, y dejar salir todo esto dentro de mi.

Couldn't wait to it to consumed alone, wanted to consume with it.

Where to start, there is much that I do with myself now, many things have to change, be in the process of change is the most difficult and painful thing I've experienced.
Is a terrible anxiety of feeling lost, not knowing where to go, or even who you are.
I'm in this process, and there are days when I feel so confused and lost, I can only mourn and angry with myself for not being able to do better.
Other times I've tried to have compassion for myself and let me rest for a moment.
But that never ends, that later will be the same or worse. And it seems that the sun will not rise more for me.
And sometimes a few times I have faith and a little calmed my soul within all the chaos of my life.
How to start off and throw all those feelings and thoughts, as I feel able to express it.
I know I'm alone, and really do not expect anyone to be with me in this process, maybe I'm resigned to that always been the case.
There are days I usually feel inspired and write a million things, about what I would do, achieve, be, and see those leaves written by me and couldn't understand anything I felt at that moment.
I don't pretend to be pitied, and understand.
It's just a bit of me trying to open up and be honest.
Ps. I know that the reward at the end will be huge: my happiness no matter what.



Por donde empezar, hay mucho que debo hacer conmigo misma ahora, muchas cosas que cambiar, estar en el proceso de cambio es lo más difícil y doloroso que he experimentado.
Es una ansiedad terrible de sentirse perdido, de no saber a donde ir, o siquiera quien eres.
Estoy en ese proceso, y hay días en los que me siento tan confusa y perdida, sólo puedo llorar y enojarme conmigo misma por no poder hacerlo mejor.
Otras veces intentó tener compasión de mi misma y permitirme descansar por unos momentos.
Pero esto nunca acaba, se que más adelante será lo mismo o peor.
Y pareciera ser que el sol no saldrá más para mi.
Y a veces en pocas ocasiones tengo fe y logro calmar un poco mi alma dentro de todo el caos de mi vida.
Como empezar a desprenderse y botar todos esos sentimientos y pensamientos, como lograr expresar esto que siento.
Se que estoy sola, y realmente no espero que nadie este a mi lado en este proceso, tal vez me he resignado a que siempre a sido así.
Hay días en los que suelo sentirme inspirada y escribo un millón de cosas sobre lo que me gustaría hacer, lograr, ser y otras veo esas hojas escritas por mi y no logró entender nada de lo que sentía en ese momento.
No pretendo que me tengan lástima, ni que me entiendan.
Es sólo un poco de mi tratando de abrirse y ser sincero.
Pd. Se que al final la recompensa será enorme: Mi felicidad no importa que.

A big step

This year take the descision to be healthy and work out among many other things, and could tell you that so far I'm doing well and trying hard as possible to make this year.

It's great what motivated you can feel when you push yourself to change and get better every day and know that with each passing day you are closer to achieving your goals.
My advice does not have to give up, there will be people who will speak and criticize and try to make you give up but when you are unsure of what you want and trust you there is nothing that can stop you.

This year I'm learning to believe in me, trust, love me and respect me above all things else with great faith that will follow. Have great week!
XO Clau



Este año tome la descision de ser saludable y ejercitarme entre otras muchas cosas más, y podría decirles que hasta ahora voy bien estoy cumpliendo y esforzándome lo más posible para que este año sea mi año!!

Es grandioso lo motivado que puedes sentirte cuando tu misma te presionas para cambiar y ser mejor cada día y saber que cada día que pasa estas más cerca de lograr tus objetivos.
Mi consejo no hay que rendirnos, habrán personas que hablarán y criticarán e intentarán hacerte desistir pero cuando uno esta seguro de lo que quiere y confías en ti no hay nada que pueda detenerte.

Este año estoy aprendiendo a creer en mi, confiar, amarme y respetarme por sobré todas las cosas, lo demás con mucha fe se que vendrá por añadidura.
Tengan excelente semana!!
XO Clau

Its only practice

I have little to say, has been a long week full of initiatives, I can not be happier for the first time in my life I am struggling to accomplish everything that I set.
Ok I leave a picture of one of my drawings inspired by a painting of this wonderful girl to whom I admire Charmaine Olivia, her art have helped me to practice and realize that I mean really good for my first drawings and as she says it is only practice.
Ps. I had another page of my wanna be book lol.
Ps2. Im not good drawing hands so.
XO Clau

Mode: Write On

Lately I have not felt very well and today was one of those days.
Yet God smiled at me and at one point I was writing the first pages of my book, Yes!
A year ago I decided to write a book but really had no idea what was gonna do or what was going to write so I dismissed it. And after a year here I am trying to write it again, is rare and I even remembered I thought I was gonna take longer to start and find the main idea now I know exactly what Im gonna say in, I'm excited and full of uncertainty. I can only say I'm on the road, and I keep writing!!
Xoxo